I think i peed on brittanys purse
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
