Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
