So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
