i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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