so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
