Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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