If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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