I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
