awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
