im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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