So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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