I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
