Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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