look no pants
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
