either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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