Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
