why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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