quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
