i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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