Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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