party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
