Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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