happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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