Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The power of my boobs compel you
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
