We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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