so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
