i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
