Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42ā€¯ tv lol
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
