4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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