I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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