party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
