is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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