Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That's how pantless uber rides happen
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
