Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
try to milk me bitch
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