Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
