It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
