On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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