Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize