i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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