I am in a vortex of obligation.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
