Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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