yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
