Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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