Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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