I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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