They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
