i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
