if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
