do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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