Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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