Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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