also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
