Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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