You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
