he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's the barista slut.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
