i wish starbucks made bloody marys
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
