I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
