He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
