I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
