My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
