what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
