mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
