oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
