dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
