i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
