if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
that's an acceptable place to lick
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
