I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
