Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize