did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
