Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
