how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize