i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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