She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
