Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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