Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
