He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
