Got a toothbrush?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im holly from the hills drunk
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
