She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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