ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
