You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
