There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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