I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
