I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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