Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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