I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
