after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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