and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize